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♥ 28 May, 2008

oh fk. is it happening again?

well. i dont know.

i seriously dislike taking initiatives...

i dislike things being routine-ed...

i dislike how i seem to be the one always initiating the calls... it makes me feel as if i'm an irritant...

i detest to be the one attempting to start a conversation on the msn... as if i'm forcing you to say something when you have nothing to say to me at all...

i hate to feel like i'm forcing you to even talk to me!!

but yet.. it's all wat i'm feeling... somehow... like now?

i guess i must be too demanding... haaa. wat am i? i am nothing...

it's like in a cycle.. things that used to happen in the past, with the other ppl.. seems to be happening again.. how much confidence do i have to deal with it? seriously i do not know. is it going to sink down as one of the memories? seriously i dont wan that... and i'm afraid.. yet sometimes.. i can't help but have these thoughts.. because of the signs that i'm getting..

thoughts like these.. make me feel like just withdrawing myself.. if it's meant to be part of a memory.. why not leave it as a good one then?

well.. i dont know.

things like this happened so many times in the past.. i'm really unsure now.. even the slightest difficulty makes me feel like giving up.. for fear of getting hurt even more in the later part.. if things were to get worse...

i dont know.. why i'm feeling this way now.. perhaps i'm just emo.. perhaps i'm just afraid.. perhaps.. nobody understands and bothers at all...

perhaps you'll be much happier if i just leave you alone... ?



nothing lasts forever,
only memories
10:43 pm