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♥ 16 September, 2007

i'm sorry if i'm always seemingly so unreasonably throwing tantrums. i'm sorry that i'm seemingly so petty at times. i'm sorry that i said things that i'm supposedly not suppose to. i'm sorry to have said things which made you unhappy/sad/angry. i'm sorry for the bad tempers that i supposedly have. i'm sorry for all the stuffs i did/said that caused you to be very-the-not-happy.

i'm filled with guilt everytime i know i made you sad/unhapy/angry. damn guilty even when it was accidental. i am having a problem with forgiving myself. sorry. i'm not good enough.
i'm learning too. learning not to get affected by the seemingly hurtful words coming out from others' mouth that i hear every now and then. learning how not to think too much. learning how to speak tactically, to prevent saying the wrong things (this which i seem to always fail?). learning how not to get emo and cry over all the stuffs that makes me unhappy? learning to forgive and forget. most imptly, learning to understand you. but i guess. perhaps i'm just not smart enough. or perhaps i'm just too dumb.

i have absolutely no idea wat to do now. other than patiently wait for you to cool down. i have absolutely no idea wat can i do to make things better, for fear that things might become worse if i were to say/do anything. seriously. i find nothing good abt myself. perhaps i'm better off dead sometimes. i feel like a burden even. damn. perhaps like wat somebody said... i should be the first to die.

i really do hate myself sometimes...

can't get a single thing done correctly...

all i know is...

i love ktkl...

and i'm afraid of losing you... to my tantrums and my supposed mood swings and my sensitivity.



nothing lasts forever,
only memories
10:41 pm